So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
