my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
