How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
