...so i touched it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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