weddingsv make me drug and hornr
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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