he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
