i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
