just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize