I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
