i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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