I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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