Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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