I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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