I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize