Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
