I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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