I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
