So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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