This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
