You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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