I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
