We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
