well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
