one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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