The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
