In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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