weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
