i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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