Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
