don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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