so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I could make wine with my vomit
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
