That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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