Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
