tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
