you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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