me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
