I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
