I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
