We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
