I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
