I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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