we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
