youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
