i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
