No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
