I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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