He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
