shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
