he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
