Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
