I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
