You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
