I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
