Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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