You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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