Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
