They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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