And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Randomize
