Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
