I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize