never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
