You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Randomize