My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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