So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
