He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
