now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
