Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
