I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
