Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
