I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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