Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
