eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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