So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
