Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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