I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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